Nightmares
by Katou Michinzu
Summary: There are still days when the past continues to haunt them. After all, these people are still veterans of a lost war. Joui 4.
1. Ch1: Being Around These Idiots

**Disclaimer:** Why yes, I do own Gintama. That makes so much sense. Yes.

**A/N: **Nah, man. (I am slightly worried that I could actually get in trouble for saying that first thing)

**« x »**

**Chapter One: Being Around These Idiots isn't a Bad Thing**

Waking up with a terrible headache was not a good start for the day. He reeked of sake so the smell didn't help either. He coughed. For a moment he contemplated if this was because of actually working.

Nah. It was the damned rain while he was doing a job. Of all days, he had the luck to run around Edo just to put up some banners and flyers for some troublesome businessman who couldn't wait.

It hadn't started raining until the middle of the job, and the pay was too good to have ignored until the next day. The guy was cocky and he demanded it to be done as early as possible. And it was only him alone to accomplish that, since Kagura and Shinpachi were given different tasks that day. The old hag was already asking for the monthly rent so he couldn't complain. It wasn't a good idea to go drinking out all night on the same day either.

The white-permed samurai called out for Shinpachi to bring him some food, before stopping midway, feeling like he might throw up.

There was no response.

Oh, right. The bespectacled boy had another practice cheering for an upcoming concert.

With a groan, he tried to sit up in order to go to the kitchen. His surroundings seemed to be spinning as he went. His head was throbbing. Entering the living room, he realized, Kagura wasn't here either. She must have gone out to play outside along with Sadaharu.

So he was alone for the rest of the day.

He reached the kitchen to try to begin making breakfast for himself, he coughed again, and again, slightly becoming worse than before. And if that wasn't enough, he was sweating all over, it was too hot.

He placed his hand on his forehead, closing his eyes. It seems he had caught a cold. He should've listened when they said that getting a flu was common these days.

How annoying. To have a stupid flu, a hangover, in this depressing cloudy weather. Wonderful. He would be too tired to go outside and there was no new JUMP for him to read. As someone who barely does anything on a daily basis, the fact that he literally doesn't have anything to do was troubling.

There wasn't anyone around to make his condition worse, atleast. Being alone from time to time is a good thing too.

His head had spun around again suddenly, both his hands placed over his head. It's like he has a second heartbeat in his head. And his throat was so dry.

Feeling a sense of dehydration, he felt like he was suffocating.

Gintoki ran to the refrigerator, ignoring the numbness of his body that refused to move. He desperately took hold of a jug of water and downed it quickly, not bothering if some slipped his mouth and spilled to the floor.

When he finished drinking, the jug of water was now completely empty.

He still felt like hell, but he was feeling a lot better than before now.

But still, it was like he was going to throw up.

Wait. Scratch that, he wasn't much better. And really did have to throw up. He covered his mouth with his hand. Upon finishing that, the Gintoki began breathing heavily. He slid down against the stall, panting. Everything ached, he coughed again.

He then brought his head up to stare at the ceiling with distant eyes.

Forget food, his stomach feels crappy anyway. He stood up steadily and slowly, heading for his futon to sleep off the pain.

As he used to.

**« x »**

Everything was buzzing. Muffled screams, gunshots, explosions, noises, mixed with one another, it was all a blur. It was all too familiar.

He snapped his eyes open, smoke slowly dissipating away from his field of vision, giving him a hard time to be able to take in his surroundings. When everything was clear, the skies were dark, the noises from earlier were gone and it was deathly quiet. Groups of corpses were sprawled out on the ground, decomposing rapidly.

His white armor was covered in a dark, sickening red, as a katana laid forgotten on the ground as he looked to his surroundings tiredly.

His eyes widened as he stumbled backwards from the confusing scene before him. His stomach turned over, he still felt sick. He was still feeling dizzy, everything seemed all too surreal and it was hard to think straight.

Before he thought about anything else, a terrifying scream for help was heard throughout the battlefield.

By instinct, he turned around quickly to where it came from while he retrieved his katana. There, a few feet away, was an old lady laying down, trapped. Moving closer, it seemed that she couldn't escape, as her leg was held back by a seemingly heavy plank of wood. Another unlucky civilian caught up in this mess.

The silver-haired patriot decided to call out to her. "Oi, granny. What are you doing around here? It's dangerous to walk around late at night, you know."

She said nothing. Through the messy brown hair that covered half of her face, she was holding her breath, enduring the pain.

Without wasting anytime, Gintoki was already removing the plank of wood from her leg when he approached her, then dropping on his knee to examine her injuries. Her leg was broken.

"Granny, you can't walk with this." he stated, lifting her up as to carry her behind his back. "I'll get you outta here, okay?" he added.

It was only when he started walking to look for a nearby village, that the old lady finally spoke, "..Such a nice boy. You remind me of my grandson."

The delighted tone in her voice was clear. It was a good thing. She was more or less fine enough to still smile atleast.

"Ahh, is that so? Ofcourse. Everybody says so. I'm a really good person." he boasted.

A faint laugh in return was heard in response.

"Hn.. It seems that I was wrong. I believe my grandson's not as humble as you are."

"Oii. What's with the sarcastic tone? I'm telling you the truth, you know."

His head hadn't stop messing with him for some time now. With every step he took, it was getting more tiring for him.

"So. How'd you end up there anyway, granny? Don't tell me, you got cheated at a pachinko parlor then you teared it down or something?" he added after a while.

"What sort of bizarre setting is that?" A pause. "Though thank you for saving a helpless old woman such as myself. You look like you're getting tired. Are you alright?"

Sweat trickled down his skin, he panted as he tried to catch his breath.

The old lady frowned. "My, my. You can barely even breathe.. I'm very sorry to have troubled you. You shouldn't have tried to help."

Through shaky breaths he let out a grin. "Heh.. don't tell me that kind of crap. No one can just leave around a helpless old woman. That's not funny." he let out another cough right after saying that.

The old lady hummed, "That's right. It isn't wise to try to help someone like me in this sort of situation."

He was cautious of his surroundings, looking to different directions. Realizing that she had just said something, he scratched his head in his usual, lazy manner.

"Geez. Don't say stuff like that."

She scoffed at his reply. "You have other things to worry about. Like a promise you keep breaking."

He stopped. Messy white hair covered his eyes, his mouth formed into a frown.

He said nothing in return. The old woman began to laugh as she hugged him tighter. Yet the Joui patriot didn't move a muscle.

_"...You're too weak to protect even yourself. Just stop carrying this weight."_ dictated the old lady. Her voice no longer sounding the previous quiet, kind voice she once had. Instead was replaced with a deeper, dark_er _and somewhat demonic voice.

Shiroyasha flinched. He quickly tried to take the old lady off of him, to which she reacted by trapping him with a headlock, strangling him.

It was hard enough to stay conscious before. His heart was pounding, being loud enough for him to hear it ringing in his ears.

He took hold of the arms encasing him, gripped on it tightly, as he threw the arms over his head, forced to be taken along but he got free. He started taking tired, shaky breaths, trembling furiously. His stomach turned over again, and now it's as if he was stabbed to the gut.

The brown-haired old woman was nowhere to be seen. Smoke started covering the area and he could see someone, something glaring right back at him.

"Aren't you tired? Stop forgiving and start fighting back."

He disregarded the shadow's words, his hand positioned to gripped on his katana tightly. This would all be over once he kills whatever it was.

His vision was getting weary, and he was having fits of coughs.

_"You're getting too soft, Gintoki."_

This wasn't the time to recall random flashbacks. He opened his eyes, feeling nothing but rage as he attacked.

He launched towards it yet his ambush was caught short, blocked by another sharp weapon. The smoke was still there, slowly lifting up enough for him to see those pair of dark green eyes.

"Takasugi?"

He almost tripped as he clashed swords with a former comrade. The purple-haired man in front of him having a gleeful smile. Without saying anything he pulled back to slash at him.

He let out a soundless scream of agony, his hand holding onto the side of his gut as blood started to drip.

They continued exchanging blow after blow. The both of them covered with cuts and bruises, but with neither giving up. Every inch of his body screamed in pain but his body refused to go limp.

They weren't the only ones fighting anymore. All around him were fellow patriots fighting for their lives. He felt a rush of nostalgia as some were familiar faces.

He got the short end of the stick this time. He was weak and tired from the start it was surprising enough he even stayed alive for this long. He knew he was meeting his end as his katana fell to the ground, his eyes closing shut with a peaceful expression written on his face, waiting for the inevitable.

But it wasn't his blood that spilt his face, not his voice writhing in pain. Confusion was replaced with horror as he looked in front of him, a patriot being stabbed to the chest, the cold tip of the sword still in his front.

He could do nothing more than to stare helplessly at the patriot before him. The young man only giving a faint smile in return as his last words would resound in his head for many years to come. _"F-For Shiroyasha-san.."_

He had seen this too many times than anyone should. Not just to him particularly. Comrades taking the kill, sacrificing themselves for a friend or atleast someone whom they thought was too important to die, when it should have been _him_ doing that.

Blood and saliva came out of the patriot's mouth as the katana was drawn back mercilessly, his body falling limp to the hard ground. Takasugi only looked down with a glare and a small frown after flunging his sword as he always did.

The sight alone was enough to set his blood boil, for him to be blind with rage. He picked his weapon up and gripped onto it steadily, his opponent doing the same. Both were planning to end this one way.

A swift kill with the first strike.

**« x »**

He sat up breathing and panting for air, sweating all over. His movements were caught short as he saw two pairs of eyes. With a sigh he takes another breath for a moment, before looking back at them.

"..What? Is there something on my face?"

The vermillion-haired girl looked to the bespectacled teenager, sharing worried glances.

"No it's.. You seemed really shaken up when you woke up just now." Shinpachi answered quietly.

He narrowed his eyes.

"Huh? Oh, that. Don't worry about it. But are you guys sure there's nothing drawn on my face or anything? You were planning too, didn't you? There's nothing on my face right?"

"NOTHING'S ON YOUR GODDAMN FACE, ARU!" A sharp, intense pain had hit him in the gut, as his face was sent to the other side of the room.

He was getting up steadily when he shouted, "OII! IS THAT THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD DO TO SOMEONE WHO JUST WOKE UP?"

"SHUT UP! You scared us when you woke up so suddenly, aru!" she shouted back. With that the both of them were thrown into an argument after another. It got loud enough for a neighbor to scream back at them from the window to shut up.

"SHUT UP!"

"Yeah! Don't interfere, aru!"

Both Gintoki and Kagura were looking out the window to glare at the man who dared to scold them. It was then when Shinpachi grabbed their heads and hit them against the frame of the window angrily.

"HOW ABOUT YOU GUYS SHUT UP?! You're disturbing others!"

They seemed to have calm down, he noticed. But now they were looking at him with an unreadable expression.

"Eh?.. W-What?"

"SHUT UP!" Gintoki and Kagura held his head and did the same to him on the table. Once they were done, they went to fixing their hair or massaging their heads. Shinpachi had a vein struck to his nerve when he recovered, tempted to get payback though dismissed the idea of it.

"..Anyway, Gin-san, are you alright?" he asked instead.

The white-permed samurai gave him a look, recalling the earlier event of his head being smashed against the window.

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

The glasses-wearing boy flinched, realizing how dumb it was to even say that. He originally meant to say it when Gin-san woke up, though was interrupted by other things.

"..Nevermind." he said.

A few moments of silence passed among them before the crimson-eyed man remarked about it already being evening.

"Ah. You had a fever when I cane here late in the afternoon." Shinpachi supplied.

Gintoki hummed, scanning around the room as he saw (fever pads), medicines, a towel and the like by the side of his futon.

"It was really weird. Because idiots don't catch colds, right?" Kagura added.

"Who the hell are you calling an idiot, you brat?" she only smiled with a smug face.

They were being themselves, as always. He had guessed that they didn't take notice of his outburst from waking up that much, and it wasn't really anything to worry about anyway. The tension on his shoulders lifted somewhat.

He scratched the back of his head as he sighed. "Ah, whatever. I'm whipping up a meal." He just realized he hadn't actually eaten all day.

The yorozuya members perked up, the mention of him cooking receiving all the attention.

"Well, if you're gonna cook something, make one for me too, aru!" the azure-eyed girl exclaimed.

"If you're feeling better already, you might as well cook for all of us." Shinpachi added with a cheeky grin.

"Arf!"

Gintoki let out a childish pout as Sadaharu strolled towards him. He was about to reach and pet him before the dog got caught of his hand in his mouth.

"Wai- Oiii! That's not something you do to convince me to make something for you!" he snatched his hand out, holding it as it drips a few drops of blood.

"It can't be helped, aru. You've been feeding him less than usual."

"Yeah, yeah. As long as the things I need's in the fridge, I'll make something good." he concluded bitterly.

After turning the stove on, and starting on making what he planned, two teenagers peeked through his shoulders.

"Gin-chan, you should teach me how to cook instead of wasting money on pachinko parlors."

"It smells really good. I can't wait."

"Oi. Don't bother me. Can't you see the chef's busy?"

He received nasty comments in return, and in time, they were arguing as he kept cooking.

But in the end, he let out a small smile.

**« x »**

**A/N:** This initially started out as a oneshot. But then again, I decided on that a year ago, and adding more chapters would be fun too. Next chapter will _probably_ be out quick.

But hey, review. Please? Tell me what you think :)


	2. Ch2: Twisted Memories

**Pairings:** Slight Zuramatsu, if you peek?

**A/N:** I'm going to hell for this.

**« x »**

**_Chapter Two: Twisted Memories_**

"Is the coast clear, Ikumatsu-dono?" a voice spoke out of the counter as the door closed shut. A police officer had just ask if she had seen anything or anyone suspicious in a monotoned voice, then quickly left as he came to look around the other streets.

He heard her let out a loud sigh. He would bet she even had the palm of her hand over her face ad she did, being that she does that a lot.

"Yes. It is. Honestly, I'm surprised they haven't found me suspicious in any way. It's either they're a band of idiots, or you're just good at hiding." she replied, her tone implying a bit of sarcasm.

A tinge of guilt hit him there. Even if it was a joke, that was right. He was putting her in danger for hiding here half the time. He really should stop visiting so much, especially these days. Sure, she doesn't seem to have struck as an accomplice yet, but he shouldn't be so reckless. Stubbornly doing things on one's accord was what caused him and fellow patriots to a near-death or death itself.

He stood up, brushing dusts off of him with closed eyes and a frown.

"I see. Thank you for your help. Then, we'll be on our way."

She raised a brow, looking confused.

"You're not going to order anything?" He always does before leaving, if he wasn't in a hurry. And he wasn't.

He headed for the stairs, planning to leave by the window.

"That won't be necessary."

**« x »**

_WAS THAT REALLY A GOOD IDEA?_

He sighed, arms across his chest.

"Yes. I don't want to trouble Ikumatsu-dono any further."

Another sign board came up in light speed.

_BUT YOU HAVEN'T EATEN SINCE BREAKFAST._

The black-haired man brought his hand on top if the amanto's head. "Don't worry about me, Elizabeth. I'll be fine." he lied.

**« x »**

Sweat trailed down his face. With hands shaking, lips quivering, and eyes widened in shock as he stood frozen in his spot.

He had committed his first kill.

"Zura."

He knew it wasn't going to be pretty. He knew one day he would do this, be used to this, do it without even blinking an eye. Really, given his goal since childhood, he had expected it.

But this was too brutal, especially for a first kill. It was getting harder to breathe by the second.

"Zura."

The man's body laid still there, with his head almost cut off. The smell of metal lingered in the cold air. A splash of red covering a part of his arm, face, katana and clothes. His chest was thudding in terror.

"N-No.. I-I didn't.. mean.. to.." the boy choked out. He was about to apologize when-

"Zura!"

His vision turned white for a second, as he received a punch on the side of his face. He stumbled backwards, as he was in a daze. He fell against the wall and to the ground, a grunt escaping his lips. He looked up. A boy with messy permed hair glared down at him.

"G-Gintoki?" he found himself asking.

"What?" he frowned.

Right. He was there.

"Did I really just.. kill him?" He wanted him to say no. To lie straight to his face and say it didn't really happen. But reality wasn't nice and it doesn't work that way.

The 14 year-old nodded to him quietly, as if afraid to say anything else. He stayed sitting there, his hands covering his head as he looked to the ground. He shook his head.

He heard his friend crouch down in front of him, covering the scene behind him. But the black-haired boy couldn't look up. Even another small glimpse of that man would terrify him even more.

That man used to be alive. He used to laugh with his friends and play around. He used to shout at them for being kids and messing around. Katsura didn't know he was actually one of _those_ people. Those people who joined the traitors, for he had nothing and living under the amanto and doing despicable things for them was the only way he could live happily.

He received a pat on the back. He knew Gintoki would stay quiet and try to console him and he was thankful. They would later meet up with Shinsuke, and after a few exchange of words with Gintoki, even he gave him a worried glance. When he got home, he received a Yakult, with the boy giving it to him saying, "I'm full, and it's probably expired already anyway."

A week later, they joined the Joui army as they all agreed on. And soon more blood was shed by his own hands, always defeating his foes with a clean and short cut.

**« x »**

Brown eyes slowly opened. The staff resting against the side of his head fell to the ground as he looked around him. While his companion beside him was wide awake with those big round eyes.

_COULDN'T SLEEP?_ Elizabeth asked.

_"Don't want to." _

The moon was still present, all of the stars still twinkling brightly. It couldn't have been more than an hour since he slept.

"I suppose I'm not all that tired." he smiled. He stood up, gathered his staff, and fixed his sedge hat. He would rather stroll around the city, risking getting caught, than to fall asleep again. Some memories comes back to haunt him from time to time. And sometimes it was more apparent than ever these days.

Usually, he would simply deal with it to get it over with already.

But some dreams are far too worse compared to others that it's terrifying to live in it.

**« x »**

The smell of smoke overwhelms him. Everything around him was getting cloudy, it began to sting his eyes, to cause him get fits of coughs. It was all over the place as they approached their school to find them. He wanted to believe that they weren't there. They_couldn't_ be.

"Hurry, up, Zura!" Shinsuke shouted.

He was about to shout back at him. To shout back and correct his own name. Yet the words he was about to say was interrupted shortly. Shinsuke stopped and simply stood there, mouth wide open at the sight he saw.

He had just caught up with him then, only to see their school really burning down to the ground. The school where they learned the way of the sword taught by their sensei, despite it being banned.

He supposed he should have expected this. Instead he believed that just maybe, they won't ever caught. Just maybe, Yoshida-sensei wouldn't ever get in trouble.

Coming closer as he looked at the school, his eyes caught on something familiar.

"Isn't that.. Gintoki?" he realized.

He could only stare in horror as he watched his friend inside, being burned down along with the school.

He couldn't do anything.

**« x »**

Drips of water fell down to his sandals. There, he sat against the wall of an old store, sheltered by the roof from the rain. He had drifted to sleep.

The war veteran stood up and dusted his clothes. As he was about to walk, he noticed a sign board beneath him.

_WENT TO BUY SOME THINGS. MEET UP WITH YOU LATER._

He took a deep breath and continued to walk. He should be meeting up with the Joui right about now. He wanted to disregard these dreams as much as possible. While he hated reliving certain pasts, living ones with the twists of what-ifs was even worse. He sees his friends getting killed. Over and over again.

And given the many near-death experiences they all had at some point, there were far too many horrifying scenarios. Sometimes he wonders of how he can still stay sane.

"Ah, Zura."

The samurai looked up, his trance thankfully interrupted. The vermillion-haired girl stared at him with a bored expression as she kept munching on her favourite snack. As always, she had an umbrella with her, shielding the both of them from the rain.

"Leader! What are you doing here?"

"Vought some shukonbu.." the girl mumbled.

She brought up the hand that held the pack of it to offer him some, to which he politely declined. He could never understand people's love (obssessions) for strange snacks or beverages. Even he didn't like Pocari that much. Nope. He was certainly neutral with things like these.

When she was done with eating one, Kagura took another one as she continued to speak. "Gin-chan finally gave me some money to buy more, aru."

"He did?" He let out a suspicious glare at the thought of it. "Did something happen?" Him, paying his employees? It was odd.

She narrowed her eyes with a grin. "No, he just got a decent pay from a job, aru. I still had to force him to pay me though."

The both of them talked for a minute or two more, before deciding to go separate ways. And he had thankfully forgotten about the earlier thoughts he have had.

**« x**»

Katsura believed he had always been the rational one out of them. He was the one who took studying seriously, focused on strategies and tactics, the one who practiced 'boring' exercises day by day with a wooden sword, the one to talk seriously during conversations and the one to break the fights between them. It went like that until they were fighting with real swords. But the both of them would only roll their eyes at the mention of it, knowing for a fact he was wrong. And well, that he's an idiot who just has no idea of what he's talking about.

He supposed that was the only reason he could think of when he looks at where they are now.

One was hung up on destroying the world. Doing everything in his power to bring everything into ruins along with him. While the other one was living his life as peacefully as he could, refusing to look back to the past but not entirely ignoring certain concepts.

There was a thin line between these two, and he tripped on it. Managing to stay in between and keep things balanced. Him, the one who almost went the same road as their former comrade, but changed his ways of taking this country with less bloodshed.

He could see why Takasugi used to call him an oblivious fool. After all, compared to them, he wasn't one to dwell on the past as much as they do. He does. Though he was able to see the light in everything.

But that didn't mean guilt didn't eat away at him. That now he had completely moved on and stopped worrying. That he had forgotten hundreds of patriots screaming in pain at their last moments, of some died in vain. Of how he still kept fighting as comrades fell one by one. Numerous of times he thought about destroying everything, before remembering that he would regret it soon enough.

He snapped out of these thoughts, there was a problem at hand and it isn't the time to think of such things.

"Ikumatsu-dono, what happened?" He was panting heavily, catching his breath.

"They burned.. it down.." she trailed off weakly. Her hand holding onto her other arm.

He nodded, not considering to take another glance at the burned down shop. From a mile away it was clear that it was to be expected. There were other problems at hand. He dropped on one knee as to tend to her wounds. She had a cut on her face, her hands covered with blisters and her other arm bleeding from the side. Even a soft touch caused a slight flinch.

**« x »**

"Oi, Zura."

He snapped fully awake at the mention of his not-name. The patriot looked to him seriously.

"It's not Zura. It's Katsura." he stated. Shinsuke simply scoffed, scratching his head as he muttered "Tch. Figured that would wake you up."

He stared at him in confusion for a moment, before stucking out his lower lip . He had been half-asleep, and he had almost fallen to a slumber if he wasn't woken up.

"Ah, thanks."

They were on top of a roof of what used to be a temple. Now it was being used as a resting place for the injured. It was their watch this time, being that they were the ones in best condition. Minutes passed by between them in silence and neither cared that much. It wasn't uncommon to not want to say anything at all and just wait for their shift to be over to rest.

"When's the next ambush?" he had to ask. The days passing by had them to be more restless than usual. Everyone probably knew why but no one mentioned it yet. Even so they need a plan.

The other patriot's eyes shifted over to him, then resting his chin on the palm of his hand as his elbow leaned against his knee. "Who knows. We'll talk about it tomorrow."

Katsura nodded. Tomorrow. He tried looking over the vast forest, and then to the skies covered with stars. By enemies' territories they wouldn't be seen from there for a while. Letting out a tired sigh he tried to strike a conversation. "How's your eye?"

Shinsuke faced him and glared, before turning away again. His left eye, the one covered by bandages and his bangs, it was a sensitive topic. It had been a week since it occurred, but the damage was most definitely permanent. And it was getting infected again. He could see little drips showing, though covered with his hair.

"It's fine." he answered, his tone of voice intending to make it final.

Usually he wouldn't leave it as that. But he was tired and knew that Shinsuke would just get even more pissed. He wasn't as idiotic when it came to his injuries anyway. He could take care of himself.

So after a while, he tried to change the topic.

"What are you planning to do after all.. this?" The words hung in the air. _After we lose?_ He kept his mouth shut.

The purple-haired samurai was quiet now, dull eyes looking around. "Who knows. What, have you thought something about it?"

Katsura lifted his head up to look at the night skies again. Tatsuma was right. It is beatiful.

_I'm planning to form a rebellion against the bakufu._

He couldn't say that. It wasn't a lost war, yet. A few moments passed between them before he said "I haven't thought about it all that much."

And they left it as that.

He glanced back, his eyes widened, surprised. "The amanto?" He questioned, seeing a pair of them above. He gripped onto his katana on instinc, positioning his sword to kill.

_"Those amanto are scum. They don't even see us as people, they see us as a bunch of animals they slave around." the boy stated bluntly, anger apparent on his face and his voice. All throughout their childhood it was clear to see just how much he loathed even the slightest mention of them._

His former comrade simply leaned on the rails with a smile on his face, talking about how he traded their heads for a deal of an alliance with the Harusame.

"Takasugi!" He yelled, gritting his teeth as he looked back.

**_"Devotion to a singular purpose is both beautiful and powerful."_**

He couldn't help but scoff. While it may be true, the sight before him was nothing remotely pretty. Fresh blood always left a bitter sting to his nose, but blood from certain kinds of amanto was toxic. Purple and red blood covered his clothes and his face, and it was stinging his skin.

**_"There's only a single path in front of me, too. I don't care who dies along the way."_**

That used to be a casual remark, something he could have said in the past when they were still fighting together and he would say that just to deny their annoying teasing. Sighing he left the room, he had things to do. He didn't mean it, Katsura knew he didn't. But now it seemed he does.

_**"When did our paths diverge?"**__ He asked sadly and a little reluctantly. Back then they used to fight all the time with their wooden swords. They would brag about their wins against each other with a smug expression until the other would shut them up._

The halls were dark and he wished he came prepared. Nothing amongst the corridors illuminated anything except from the exit he came out from. Corpses of the amanto and some ronin laid on the floor. He continued walking.

_**"We may have started off in the same place... But even back then, we never shared the same goals."**__Gintoki would stick out his tongue at them, taunting them for being wimps. Childish as they were, especially Takasugi, they accepted the offer and came to the store house where all the sweets any kid could imagine was there._

_**"All doing our own things."**__The light that flickered in their eyes didn't disappear as they saw all of these sweet ingredients. They didn't even like sweets as much as Gintoki did. But this was heaven. Even him, Katsura Kotaro, the boy who follows the rules diligently, drooled. Without wasting any time, the silver-haired boy stuffed in all he could get in his mouth while the two of them stood there, hesitating._

_"Whaat? You guys aren't gonna dig in? Oh well, more for me." The boy eating all the sweets taunted again with a toothy grin. Strawberry icing trailing over the corner of his mouth._

_"That's.. well.. but what if sensei..?" The purple-haired boy trailed off worriedly, his hands turning into fists._

_"Goody-two-shoes. Chicken." the other said, giving one comment after another. In a minute Takasugi finally gave in. It was when they started planning to take something from the shelf above, that he was convinced, rather, forced, to go along and help. He helped Takasugi lift up to be able to stand on Gintoki's shoulders, with him balancing him to make sure he wouldn't fall off, or to save him if he ever falls off. _

_"Come onn! Just take it already, Takasugi!" Gintoki yelled, his patience running short._

_"Shh! Sensei might hear us!" he shushed._

_"Don't complain! It's not as easy as it looks, it's your fault for having me do the dirty work." the boy argued back._

_With an uninterested expression and a bored tone, Gintoki remarked. "Well, it's your fault for being the smallest. That way it's easier for me to carry you."_

_He heard Takasugi grumble in anger, but he seemed to have chosen to be quiet as he tiptoed ever so slightly. "I-I almost got it!"_

_He held onto his ankles as he looked up, he was about to say 'be careful' when he heard a loud thud coming from the door being opened. And before he knew it he let go and turned. Fear of getting in trouble and surprise taking over him. Takasugi let out a yell as he lost his footing, about to fall on his back. He yelp as he tried to catch him, with that Takasugi fell over Katsura. _

_Shouyo-sensei walked over to them and he reached a hand out for Takasugi to take. Shamefully, Takasugi grabbed it as he stood on his feet, dusting off his clothes as sensei helped him out as well._

_"Sh-Shouyo-sensei we're.. we were.." he started. The long-haired man simply smiled and he called for Gintoki, who has been turning his back on them the whole time. Cautiously Gintoki turned quietly and slowly. Shouyo-sensei frowned as he started to scold them._

**_"All watching each other grow apart" _**_Restless days were the worst. Everyone was stressed and everyone was pacing, thinking up of new tactics and plots as they studied the secrets route they found. In that week they fought more than usual, the jokes that week gone. They were either in a sour mood, fighting the war, planning things out or resting. That week they didn't bother to talk or be near each other unless they needed to._

He stopped and coughed. After a while, there was blood, his blood on his hand. The brown-eyed samurai shook his head and kept walking.

**_"I haven't changed a bit."_**Wrong.

Back then they used to play pranks on him. Katsura, the poor victim of the jokes most of the time, while sometimes they would turn in on each other and fight again. Gintoki and Sakamoto used to make fun of Takasugi, he used to be short-tempered and he wouldn't hesitate to give a quick slash near them just to shut them up. Back then Takasugi would do his best to seem as indifferent as possible whenever one of them was on the brink of death. Now he was the one causing it.

Takasugi turned his back on everything, killing innocent lives and not giving a damn. The thought that maybe it was because they turned their back on him and left the war first had anything to do with it. That maybe they left him when he needed support the most. That maybe he wouldn't turn the way he is now if it weren't for that.

He didn't care about others? Bullshit.

Finally he found a door that led to somewhere and held onto the knob and turned. And just like that, the world had stopped moving.

**_"Zura, what do you have to live for?"_**_There's too much in this country that he loved to destroy it. That was his answer._

A cold sweat streams down his face as a shiver runs down his spine, with eyes widened and mouth agape. Gintoki would have his head for this.

**_"How can we live in a world that deprived us of our master?"_**

He had a point there. The world was unjust and cruel for taking a man such as Shouyo-sensei from them. But then he was still alive, so was Gintoki, and Sakamoto. The world took countless of friends away from them but not all of them are dead. He met the ever so loyal Elizabeth, Gintoki created a bussiness called the yorozuya with the members of a yato girl, a samurai-in-training, and a precious dog, he met a widower who runs a shop all by herself, and many more. Sakamoto was living his dream as he goes around the galaxy, Gintoki was enjoying his simple life and he was still determined as ever to change the ways of the bakufu without so much bloodshed. It was hard but it was possible.

**_"I can't stand it."_**

"Takasugi, you're an idiot." he muttered under his breath.

The metallic scent of air made him feel nauseous, despite of how much he was used to it. Maybe it's because it was their blood.

An azure-eyed girl laid on her front, head facing to the side just enough to see her lifeless eyes. A bespectacled boy with a broken arm, and blood gushing from his side, sitting by the side with tears stinging his eyes.

The sight before him wasn't anything remotely pretty. Takasugi achieved what he wanted. He destroyed the world. If only he could see it. Further into the room he could see him, blood pooled around him as his hair covered his lifeless eyes. A few feet away Gintoki was the same. The man's silver hair was lined with blood. What used to be his childhood friends were now corpses. On closer inspection he could see what had killed them. A clear strike was visible on the man wearing the butterfly yukata's chest. While Gintoki had a more or less the same cause of death.

A swift kill with the first strike.

Katsura stumbled backwards as he dropped to the floor. It was all too much. Sakamoto was already gone. Ikumatsu, gone. Elizabeth was nowhere to be found. Shinpachi was dying and the rest of the yorozuya were gone. His old friend, gone. His teacher, gone.

**« x »**

The cherry blossoms were in full bloom this month. By the window he could see children and running along playing tag. He heard the door bein opened. After turning, the one who opened the door revealed to be a young man with dark hair reaching until his neck, his hand reaches to the bridge of his glasses as he greeted, "Katsura-san."

Katsura nodded. The dark-haired samurai rarely visits, being that he was busy with the dojo. Although it wasn't a surprise to see him. It was the death anniversary of them all. He got up from his seat and left.

After the mess the Kihetai has started and failed, everything about the bakufu became in order, the way he wanted it to be. It was funny how the three of them had what they wanted. Takasugi caused and achieved total destruction until the end, Gintoki died believing he protected them all, Sakamoto apparently had a smile on his face before he closed his eyes for the last time, and he changed Edo for the better.

And out of the four of them, he had survived, but couldn't do anything about the others. Just like being on a standby and watching the outcome at the end.

**« x »**

"Mm.." he mumbled groggily. Then his eyes snapped open in an instant, standing up and quickly grabbing the wrist of the person in front of him, showing menacing glare at the said person.

Ikumatsu looked back at him, confused and surprise.

"Is something wrong?"

Katsura blinked. Once. Twice. When he regained his composure he realized he was still holding her wrist with too much grip. He let go.

"Ah.. sorry." He slouched and returned to sit. He let out a sigh of relief, recognizing the shop that Ikumatsu owned. He was by one of the tables for the customers. And he was wearing a blanket by the shoulders. So that was what bothered and woke him up. Elizabeth must have brought him here.

"Are you alright? I heard you've been having some bad days lately." The blonde shop owner asked. He glanced back to her, seeing that she had stop attending to her duties as tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"Nothing. Just a bad dream." he reassured with a bitter smile.

**« x »**

**A/N: **Standby. Zura goes on stand by all the time because he doesn't want to miss anything. (Oh look I thought of something sad behind silly Gintama jokes again.)

Soo.. yeah. When I said I'm going to update faster I thought about doing that around two weeks ago but then I got tired and busy with school stuff. So of course the logical option would be to ignore the fact that I haven't finished the chapter yet for a week. My bad.

It was a bit hard to think out of the whole chapter for Zura's so it's a bit messy. Oh, and there was that post on tumblr too talking about the Joui 4 headcanons I remembered. I took some elements there for this chapter (and possibly for the future chapters too).


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